WATFORD CITY, N.D. — Want to know what romance is when you’ve been married almost 18 years and you’re raising kids and calves and on a generational ranch?
Your husband taking time out of his summer checklist of fixing fence and rebuilding corrals to help you construct a new garden plot in the yard. Especially when that man says, and I quote, “Landscaping is just work to make more work.”
And he’s not wrong. Out here when we look across our spread of endless big jobs, like barn building and pen building and water tank maintenance and figuring out why the bulls keep getting into the hay yard, lawn mowing and weed eating and tomato planting and pressure washing the driveway aren’t on the top of my husband’s June “to-do” list.
Jessie Veeder’s husband, Chad, rides around western North Dakota. Jessie Veeder / The Forum
But they are close to the top on mine, and I appreciated the help when I looked at the calendar and then the radar that indicated I might want to get the peas planted before the predicted torrential downpour and, also, before August.
Summer is frantic around here. So frantic that major yardwork on a Sunday seems slow.
But I got those peas in thanks to him. At 10 p.m. before the sun set and right in time for the rain to pour later that evening.
My husband’s love language is definitely “acts of service.” I’ve seen it in him since he was a much younger man. To be of use, to be helpful, to know how to do the thing that needs to be done is a quality that has saved us money and meltdowns plenty more than it has cost us both. (Because, let’s be honest, DIY isn’t a Zen experience).
Columnist Jessie Veeder and her husband Chad stop to share a laugh outdoors. Veeder writes that a “happy to” mentality can be the key to maintaining a strong connection throughout marriage.
Contributed / Jessie Veeder
There was a time when I was younger and in love with him where I would imagine my future out here on the ranch with more walks hand in hand and picnics under the big oak tree where we got married. How dreamy.
News flash. That’s never happened. Not even once.
Romance looks more like getting off his horse to get the gate. And then I reciprocate by getting the next one.
Tick checks, that’s also romance out here. And it’s tick season so, yeah, we’ve been getting romantic a lot lately.
All joking aside though, I’m thinking about this today because the amount of love I felt for my husband watching him till that garden spot on Sunday knowing how much he was setting aside to do something for me was palpable.
It sort-of caught me off guard the way a lump catches in your throat when a sentimental commercial breaks through your sitcom zone-out. My husband, he lives with a good-sized handful of intention when it comes to his close relationships. He’s a guy who’s never really rushing. He’s a guy who will have a long look at it. He’s a guy who takes his time, whether or not it might drive you and your tight schedule crazy.
And he makes me wonder if I’m too caught in my own drive, letting worries and checkboxes sometimes consume me like the good student I keep striving to be. But no one’s keeping grades here. This is our life, and I wanted to plant peas and so he helped me plant peas. And I guess I just want to say, that’s a really sweet way to love someone.
READ MORE OF JESSIE’S COMING HOME COLUMNS
Greetings from the ranch in western North Dakota and thank you so much for reading. If you’re interested in more stories and reflections on rural living, its characters, heartbreaks, triumphs, absurdity and what it means to live, love and parent in the middle of nowhere, check out more of my Coming Home columns below. As always, I love to hear from you! Get in touch at jessieveeder@gmail.com.
Jessie Veeder is a musician and writer living with her husband and daughters on a ranch near Watford City, N.D. She blogs at veederranch.com. Readers can reach her at jessieveeder@gmail.com.
