Nothing feels the same. That was how I felt and is most people’s likely reaction to change. Fall term arrived, and all too soon, I felt forced to face changes I fought to resist. A close friend moved on, a potential relationship wasn’t meant to be. Suddenly the people I talked to weren’t there. Life was changing and far too fast for comfort. I ached for familiarity, for the feeling of being known and knowing what to expect. The first part of being able to later thrive through these changes seemed to be acknowledging my feelings. I didn’t need to pretend it wasn’t hard missing people, or missing familiarity. Whether you’re a first year missing home or a fourth year missing a friend, you deserve to feel your way through these changes. Somewhere between change and longing, you’ll find your footing and just might find a new way to stand.
Why does change feel so difficult?
Change and unfamiliarity are challenging because they go against what we are biologically wired to seek— the familiar! An article from Psychology Today describes how familiarity has long been conducive to our survival. Evolved psychology supports the idea that our brains are wired to keep us safe from potential threats in our environment. Encountering a person or place multiple times and coming away unharmed leads our brain to prefer the familiar that is safe.
Equally, when we are forced to embrace change and unfamiliarity, considering how evolutionary psychology and our neurobiology play a role in our discomfort might help in developing compassion as we navigate changing courses, workplaces, or relationships.
So, wherever you find yourself this fall term — be it as a first year adjusting to a new city, a third year overwhelmed by a challenging course load, or perhaps a fourth year student struggling to accept the loss of a friendship — just as the leaves change color, life is always shifting. Although alone you can convince yourself otherwise, difficult changes happen to everyone. The best part? The falling of leaves also signals a new season will be arriving. Every new season can be a new shot at what you hope for. Find inspiration in considering how loss and change can make way for all that you will gain.
Noticing the little things amid big changes
Ever had a stranger do you some unexpected kindness on what had felt like the worst day? Sometimes looking back on our day, we begin to notice the little interactions and moments that make us feel whole. When feeling lost amid changes, taking note of the seemingly small positives in a negative spiral can remind us of our shared humanity, our shared struggles, and our shared ability to thrive. Positive psychology, for example, teaches us the value of noticing the things in life that make it both worth living and worthwhile. Dr. Eric Kim, a researcher in the field of public health at Harvard University, encourages us to consider jotting down three things we are grateful for on a nightly basis, as well as a second list of three kind acts we did for others. This practice, Kim encourages, can help us develop greater optimism, in turn reducing our tendency to spiral into negative rumination and instead notice the seemingly little things in life that can spark great joy over time and consistent practice. In summary, when it comes to noticing the little things, thinking back on these positive occurrences and your ability to spark kindness, can help shift your mind to a more positive headspace.
Navigating change in university
Amid crowded transit, competitive job searches, and never-ending assignments, it sometimes feels like the hardest parts of university life remain the same. Meanwhile, friends drift, feelings shift, and courses and co-op jobs change frequently, making consistency in every area it seems to matter most missing. I reached out to Melissa Strachan, the associate director of counseling services at UW, who works with a team of counsellors at Campus Wellness that are committed to finding ways to support students in navigating change and promoting mental wellness. When asked how students can use tough changes to their advantage, Strachan suggests thoughtful reflection as a first step: “I think if someone takes the time to reflect back on life changes [they experienced] that were difficult, we can really learn a lot about ourself and they can teach us how we move through struggle, how we move through challenges.” Strachan underscores the importance of asking oneself what we’ve learned through challenging times and how we have grown through similar experiences.
Looking for some quick tips you can start applying now to kickstart your ability to handle tough changes? Or, prefer actively practicing these tips in a structured program designed to support you? Campus Wellness counselors have shared their tips for thriving through changes this season and we’ve listed programs offered that can help you actively work on these skills:
Tip #1: Be patient, allow time to grow into yourself, and don’t be too hard on yourself
Ask any upper year student on campus and they’ll likely admit they’ve developed much greater self-confidence after being successful for over three years at university. Chat with most first-year students and many will share anxieties about adjusting to university life after high school and discovering themselves in a new environment. Understand that it takes time to adjust to change, whether that means living with a roommate in residence or taking your first 400-level course, be patient and gentle with yourself. With greater self-compassion, you can eliminate self-imposed pressure to immediately adjust to life changes. The Mindfulness Self-Compassion program offered by Campus Wellness builds both of these skills in an effort to build participants’ resiliency. Mindfulness is often considered the first step in healing from tough emotions, allowing us to actively look at our difficult thoughts and feelings with curiosity, rather than judgment or shame. Combined with self-compassion, participants can learn to approach challenges with honesty and the compassion needed to heal from tough changes.
Tip #2: Communicate how you feel and reach out to supports
Learning to share your feelings and experiences during a period of change is essential to getting through it. To effectively cope with change, talk about your feelings and reach out to the supports around you. Many research studies have been cited in finding that journaling and expressive writing can be effective in reducing feelings of depression, anxiety, stress and enable better emotional regulation and self-awareness. Campus Wellness offers a new program called Journaling for Well-being that offers an encouraging environment in which students “use reflective journaling to help [them] identify personal narratives that are negatively impacting how [they] think, feel, and interact with others.”
Tip #3: Stay connected to your family and friends
Whether it’s in-person, over text, video chat, or phone calls, staying connected to family and friends is a crucial aspect of being able to withstand the adversity that can follow major life changes. Feeling like you have no one to turn to? The WUSA Mates program offers one-on-one peer support, for students seeking a confidential chat with a peer eager to support them, be it with the university transition or developing better study habits. Book an appointment with a peer from Mates by emailing mates@wusa.ca.
Tip #4: Strive for a balance of school, social activities, and self-care
Learning to balance courses, social time and self-care can be a major challenge in university. However, developing this balancing act is essential to keep yourself from burning out when unexpected changes to plans inevitably come about. Finding a hobby or club of interest can be an effective way to integrate both social time and a self-care activity. It can take time to find an activity you enjoy and that’s okay. Karin Browne, the coordinator of competitive clubs, aquatics, and first-aid at the Athletics and Recreation department, believes that sports and physical activity “offer a stress-relief/outlet for students, [allowing them] to find a sense of community when they participate in activities with others who may have similar interests outside of academics.” Not everyone will enjoy jogging or playing basketball. As Stratchan underscores; “it’s a matter of figuring out which [activity] really speaks to each individual person.
Note: You can sign up for programs offered by Campus Wellness by logging into your Portal account and selecting the ‘Calendar’ icon at the left hand side and clicking ‘Events.’ From there you can search for a program name or scroll to find the program you’re looking for.
Understanding Change
You need not rationalize every change, you might never be able to find the reasons for why some things stayed while others shifted. There is much peace we can find in accepting what cannot be undone. Sometimes the knots we tie so tightly, when they finally unravel, become the threads that tie together the greatest possibilities we never imagined.
As I find myself walking through an autumn forest this fall, shades of auburn and orange continually remind me just as the leaves change before the arrival of a new season, life changes before every new chapter. The green foliage of summer; now unrecognizable in the face of a sunset of colors. So, if life this fall is missing some familiar colors, welcome the new shades you’re beginning to see. They might not be the colors you expected or signal the new season you wanted, but sometimes the most beautiful colors hide behind the hardest changes. Autumn has always made way for winter, and it will soon be spring and summer again. You’ll find a new season to inspire you.
