They may be MomTokers, but they’re MomTokers who make serious cash.
Speaking with PEOPLE ahead of the release of the new Hulu reality series, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, the TikTok influencers are opening up about if and how making more money than their partners impacts their relationships.
“In my situation, I came from a marriage where I was in a very financially secure situation and I didn’t have to worry about it. So it was more just a creative outlet for me,” Demi Engemann tells PEOPLE. “Shifting to my next marriage, I kind of did have to step up as provider as he was putting deals together and trying to make things work.”
Demi notes that things have changed and her husband is back to “not needing to rely” on her content creation income, which gives her the space to go back to looking at it as “an outlet.”
“I still want to be able to take the opportunities as they come and continue to do things for myself and experience things for my life, whether it makes money or it’s just a passion project.”
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Jessi Ngatikaura notes that she was already in business as JZ Styles when she met her husband.
“He knew what he was getting into, and I was very honest that you have to be okay with this — my job will always come first. So, luckily I have a husband who just puts up with it and he supports me,” she says of her husband Jordan Ngatikaura.
“I think there are some relationships within the group that struggle with that a little more because Mormonism is typically very gender-role-focused, where the man provides and the woman stays home with the kids. So, it definitely shook up some of our relationships in the group when that happened.”
Jennifer Affleck admits it was a struggle for her and her husband Zac Affleck. “I definitely think it was tricky for me and my husband at first because he was the provider for the first couple of years,” she notes. “And it wasn’t like he was just making little money — he made great money and he also comes from a very wealthy, traditional family. So I think it was very normal for him to be the provider and for me to be at home and be a stay-at-home wife and mother.”
She continues, “When the roles were switched, I think it was really hard for him because he just wasn’t used to it. And even though he was in school, he was like, ‘Wait, am I bringing value to this relationship?'”
Mikayla Matthews notes it’s a palpable shift for the women as well, who were raised to think “We’re moms, so it’s like, ‘I only bring value when I stay at home with my kids.'”
“We’re all equal and provide different things at different times,” Jennifer notes. “I’ll be providing now, and maybe he’ll provide once he’s done with medical school and roles are switched. But I think for a long time, it was not like we were competing with each other, but it was very much like we were comparing who provides more. Now we’ve seen it as we’re a team, and we’re just working together, and roles are going to look different in different stages of our life.”
Whitney Leavitt agrees there’s an ebb and flow to the financial makeup of her own marriage to her husband Conner Leavitt.
“For specifically mine, it doesn’t change anything,” she explains. “One would be in charge of finances and one wouldn’t, in different moments throughout our marriage. Conner will be the breadwinner and then I will be, or then we are together. It just changes. It’s not like somebody feels lesser than because they’re not the breadwinner.”
Mayci Neeley agrees but also notes that isn’t the norm for Mormon culture overall.
“I feel like me and my husband, it doesn’t make any difference for us. I just think it’s untraditional for the culture and the church, but in society, it’s becoming more normal. But I feel like 30 years ago it wasn’t, and so it’s different to navigate,” she says.
“I know for my parents, they were like, ‘What the heck? This is weird,’ but now it’s just more normal. My husband is working again and feeling fulfillment in that work, and it works for us. It goes together great.”
Taylor Frankie Paul is happy to have entered a relationship where her business and priorities were on the table from the start.
“I feel like, where I was at in life and business was where I was when I met Dakota, so he walked into my life knowing that. There were never any roles to stop following or to take on or whatnot. He also has his own business, and I have mine, and since we aren’t married the two don’t mix yet. I don’t feel like it comes up or puts anything on our relationship.”
The group’s recently single mom, Layla Taylor, talked about the opportunity content creation provides her in “being able to provide for [her] babies.”
“I think that being able to provide and not have to rely on child support or anything like that has been very amazing and liberating for me. I think that’s the reason a lot of women sometimes can feel trapped in marriages because financially, they don’t know how they would be able to do without their partner. So being able to have that freedom that I was able to walk away from a marriage that I was not happy in and being able to just do it on my own is absolutely life-changing. So I’m very grateful for this.”
The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is currently streaming on Hulu.
