(Permanent Musical Accompaniment to This Post)
Presenting our semi-regular weekly survey of what’s goin’ down in the several states where, as we know, the real work of governmentin’ gets done and where there’s a marching band playing in an empty lot.
Out in the country, as we also know, rats are being f*cked in very interesting ways, but we are also semi-encouraged by the fact that some of the people who are f*cking rats in anticipation of next week’s election are finding themselves running afoul of obscure local statutes that protect rats from being f*cked in certain ways. Let us beam down first into Indiana. From Fox 59:
Larry L. Savage Jr., a candidate in the Republican 5th District primary held earlier this year, was arrested Tuesday morning by Madison County authorities and charged with destroying/misplacing a ballot and theft. He has since been released on a $500 cash bond. The charges filed against Savage, a 51-year-old Anderson resident and precinct committeeman, stem from an incident on Oct. 3 in which two election ballots went missing at the Madison County Government Center during testing of the local voting machines….In the video Savage can be seen looking around the room before folding up two ballots and putting them in his sweatshirt pocket. After this, Savage is seen leaning over to a woman in attendance and saying “f***ed up count.” Less than 10 minutes later, Savage is seen leaving the building and showing a man the ballots in his pocket. The man then pats Savage on the back and Savage gets into his car and leaves.
What do you have to say for yourself, Larry?
Savage reportedly began blaming other Madison County officials for this becoming a criminal incident, telling officers that “this is all political bulls**t is all it is.” When told that the security video did not show Savage ever asking permission to take the ballots, Savage reportedly admitted that he did not. He told officers that he thought he could take the ballots because they were marked “sample.” “If you go to Payless, or go wherever, it says sample and you usually can take a sample,” Savage said. “So that is the way I took it. I thought they were fake f***ing ballots.”
That’s his story and he’s sticking to it.
We move along to Florida, where the election has caused an outbreak of spontaneous performances of The Emperor Jones. From NBC News:
The teenager, Caleb James Williams, was arrested after 4 p.m. when officers were called to the Beaches Branch Library in Neptune Beach. Williams was arrested on charges of aggravated assault, accused of brandishing his weapon at two unidentified women, ages 71 and 54, and improper exhibition of a weapon, Neptune Beach police said.
The weapon this punk exhibited improperly was…a machete.
Police Chief Michael J. Key Jr. said at a news conference Tuesday night that officers found seven juveniles and an adult in the library’s parking lot. “The investigation revealed that the group arrived to protest and antagonize the opposing political side,” he said. The group approached opposing sign wavers, and an argument developed between the two sides before Williams “brandished a machete in an aggressive, threatening posture over his head,” Key said, adding that the police department has released an image of the moment. “The group was there for no other reason but for ill intentions, to cause a disturbance,” he said.
Certainly we can all agree that the appearance of machetes in the democratic process is never a good sign.
Meanwhile, up in Minnesota (!), the dead walk. From Fox9:
Danielle Christine Miller, 50, of Nashwauk, Minnesota, is accused of felony voter fraud after she allegedly voted for her mother, who died in August, via absentee ballot. According to the criminal complaint, on Sept. 20, the Itasca County Auditor’s Office mailed absentee ballots to citizens living in Itasca County. Then, on Oct. 7, the Auditor’s Office received two signed ballots for Miller and Rose Maria Javorina. However, Javorina died on Aug. 31.
Ain’t democracy grand? One more weekend to go.
We move along to Pennsylvania, where a local judge smacked down Elon Musk’s sugar-daddy act with the state’s voters. Elon couldn’t be bothered with something as retro as a court hearing, so he didn’t show for it, which, of course, endeared him to the judge. From the AP:
Judge Angelo Foglietta agreed that Musk, as a named defendant in the lawsuit filed by District Attorney Larry Krasner, should have attended the hearing in person, but he declined to immediately sanction the tech mogul. Musk’s lawyer, Matthew Haverstick, said he’s an extremely busy man who could not simply “materialize” in the courtroom hours after the hearing was scheduled. Krasner’s team challenged the notion that the founder of SpaceX could not make it Philadelphia, prompting a quick retort from the judge. “Counsel, he’s not going to get in a rocket ship and land on the building,” Foglietta replied.
Good one, Your Honor. Bang that gavel smartly.
Currently, the Philadelphia DA, Larry Krasner, wants an election-interference case argued in state court, while lawyers for Musk—and for the Trump campaign—want the venue changed to federal court, which would slow-play the process, the usual technique employed by the former president*.
Krasner, a Democrat, wants the case decided in state court in Democrat-led Philadelphia, where his lawsuit filed Monday accused Musk and his PAC of running a dubious lottery in the tense run-up to Tuesday’s election. Krasner’s lawyers noted that four of the first dozen winners appeared to be from Pennsylvania, perhaps the key prize in the tight presidential race between Trump and Vice President Kamala Harris. “Is it just a coincidence that this is the state that has the largest electoral votes? I don’t think so,” lawyer John Summers argued.
Details, we assume slowly, to follow.
And we conclude, as is our custom, in the great state of Oklahoma—for the moment, anyway—whence Blog Official Hawk Making Lazy Circles in the Sky Friedman of the Plains brings us the tragic tale of a legislator who was trapped in a real-life example of the leopard face-eating conundrum. From KOSU/NPR:
The county’s social services department has historically operated the Oklahoma County Pharmacy, Homeless Services and the Gatekeeper Program for the elderly. After October 31, the overarching structure housing those programs will no longer exist. Senate Bill 1931, which passed the last legislative session, repealed laws “relating to the care of indigent persons by the county and county commissioners.” With authorizing statutes no longer in place, Social Services Department Director Christi Jernigan-Marshall said the job she has worked for the last 34 years will no longer exist.Bill author Sen. Chris Kidd, R-Waurika, said the closure of the Oklahoma County Social Services Department was not his intention, nor was it necessitated by law. “[The county] could offer these services still. We just removed the mandate,” Kidd said. “Simple as that, black and white, they can offer those services that they want.” He said he wanted to repeal the mandate because he knew indigent care was something his home county, Jefferson County, couldn’t afford. “You could say that language became obsolete in July of 1936 when Article 25 was added to the Constitution, which created the state welfare program,” Kidd said. “Therefore, no counties needed to offer that service and no counties did unless they wanted to.”
You make the call. Was this guy truly clueless about the ramifications of the bill he authored, or is it working exactly as he intended it to work? Our lines are open and operators are standing by.
A Very Special Episode of the Blog—the gods finally got their damn act together, and these two jamokes finally got together IRL, as the kidz say, at Goldie’s in Manhattan last Saturday. Here is photographic proof of this meeting of the minds, though it can be argued that it was two short.
courtesy the author
Two jamokes who shoulda been thrown out of the place.
This is your democracy, and two of its biggest fans, America. Cherish it.
