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There’s a lot of talk these days about so-called “balance.”
Here’s a quick reality check: “Balance” in work is not just about time management. It’s about better boundary management. It’s about making mindful choices and enjoying the results of those choices.
No one understands this better than Louise Gilbert, author of Make Work Work for You. She’s a leading change management coach who has advised hundreds of organizations in her home country of Australia.
What’s her advice to people who find themselves so consumed by their work that their personal relationships suffer?
“Remember that nothing changes if you don’t make a change,” she says. “When work contaminates our home life, it creates an infection that damages relationships, health and meaning. The solution starts with getting clear on your personal values and priorities—what matters to you? Are your decisions about how you spend your energy aligned with your values?”
Gilbert recalls working with an executive who initially thought working from home three days a week would mean more quality time with his children. “But between juggling soccer, taekwondo, gymnastics, and swimming lessons, he found himself constantly on work calls, leaving his children wishing dad was actually watching their activities rather than pacing poolside with a phone glued to his ear.” When home life suffers like this, she says, people often try to compensate by working harder, which perpetuates a vicious cycle. “The key is recognizing when work is contaminating your personal life. Treat it like a ‘Code Red’ alert requiring immediate action to strengthen those barriers before the infection spreads further.”
Louise Gilbert
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How can people best manage stress in the workplace?
Gilbert recommends addressing stress from three levels of change: individual, team, and organization.
She says it’s helpful to know your own “stress language”—how stress shows up and changes how you feel, act, think, and experience it physically. “For example, some people get short-tempered, others withdraw. Some can’t sleep, others can’t stop eating. In others, their nervous system is activated to the point where it changes their capacity to tolerate noise and smells. It’s important everyone knows what their unique stress language is so they can do something about it like asking for support. What works to manage stress for one person is different to the next.”
Gilbert says leaders also have a role to play in managing the stress created in the workplace. “I think of it like a wellbeing ledger,” she says. “There are withdrawals like high workloads, tight deadlines, unclear roles. Leaders need to make regular deposits to keep the account and people healthy. These are things like support, adequate training, role clarity and interesting work that provides meaning and keeps them engaged.”
When it’s done right, giving and receiving feedback can strengthen relationships and improve performance. As a framework, Gilbert offers the Four C’s: Clean, Clear, Contextual, and Circular.
“Clean feedback means checking your intent and removing bias,” she says. “I once received ‘dirty’ feedback from a manager who told me I moved too quickly from thought to action. Years later, I realized this quick initiation was actually a critical strength for working with entrepreneurs—the feedback was stained by the manager’s own limitations of not understanding my neurotype including processing speed and ADHD.”
Clear feedback, she says, means being specific and direct. “Beating around the bush is cruel.”
Contextual means ensuring the feedback is appropriate for the specific work situation.
And Circular means opening a two-way conversation, not delivering a lecture.
In recent years, much has been said and written about “purpose” in the workplace. Gilbert has an interesting take on the role does “purpose” plays in a work team’s ability and willingness to produce excellent results.
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“I often ask leaders and teams ‘What’s the team there for?’ This is usually followed by several seconds of silence, a puzzled look, maybe a laugh, and then ‘Oh, that’s obvious.’ But when I ask workshop participants to write down their team purpose separately and anonymously, no two answers are the same.”
Gilbert says that when everyone is aligned on team purpose, “they’re better able to row in the same direction.”
She recalls working with a driving school that had been operating for 50 years. Through collaborative sessions with the organization’s executives and leadership team, she discovered different people had different ideas about what they were there to do. “Some focused on teaching driving skills, others on passing tests, while some emphasized road safety,” she says. “By working together, they arrived at a clear purpose that united everyone: creating safer drivers through the best education. This gave their team direction, unity, and a shared sense of responsibility. Without aligned purpose, arrows will come flying from all directions. Decisions become impossible. Individuals chase their own agendas, wasting resources and effort.”
In what ways can curiosity enable people to derive more personal satisfaction from their work?
“Curiosity opens us up to what’s possible,” Gilbert says. “When we’re curious, we unlearn assumptions and ask better questions like ‘How might we?’ It’s through this learning and discovery process that we can find three key drivers of personal satisfaction: mastery, meaningful connections, and motivation to choose. Everyone wants to derive a level of satisfaction from their work. Being curious is a way to feel good at what we do, be connected to others, and have autonomy.
As an example, Gilbert tells about what she learned at a yogurt shop. “Watching customers excitedly mix flavors and toppings, a leader became curious about how they structured and offered their own business products and services. This curiosity led her to talk to customers and learn it wasn’t about the yogurt at all—it was about finding a meeting place at night that didn’t serve alcohol. Why not create a menu of services that gives clients the same satisfaction of choice and connection?”
Gilbert says the old saying that “curiosity killed the cat” should be unlearned. “Curiosity brought it back,” she says.
