Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 45 years, and at 72 and 67, we are both struggling with health issues. Our 43-year-old son still lives with us and works a low-income job. We’re retired, of course, and unfortunately, our two-story home has become increasingly difficult to manage due to our health conditions. Getting up the stairs to our bedrooms is a daily challenge.
For nearly 70 years, I’ve lived in this neighborhood, and frankly, it feels like it’s falling apart. Recently, several homes on our street have been condemned and torn down, leaving the area looking like a war zone. Even before this, we were surrounded by squatters and other unsettling conditions. Mentally and physically, I’m deteriorating quickly, and I feel trapped.
We own our home outright, which my husband and son see as a reason to stay. But I can’t take it anymore. I’m on the verge of breaking down, and the anxiety and depression from being stuck in this environment are overwhelming. I know I need to leave, but I’m torn because I don’t want to break up my family.
How can I convince them that selling our home and moving somewhere healthier is the best option? I’m desperate for a change, but they’re clinging to the idea that because we own the house, we should stay. The house is over 120 years old and needs a lot of work. Renting it out isn’t an option; I just want to sell it quickly and move on before my mental health deteriorates any further.
Please, I need advice on how to move forward without tearing my family apart. Any help or guidance would be deeply appreciated. — Two Against One and Fading Fast
Dear Two Against One: First off, I’m truly sorry to hear that your neighborhood has declined so rapidly. The best way to move forward is to continue doing exactly what you’re doing — communicating your needs clearly to your husband and son. Your concerns about living in a walk-up for health reasons are completely valid.
Selling your home could offer a solution that benefits everyone. With the profits, you might be able to buy a new home outright, and you can remind your husband that you’d still own property, just in a different location that supports your health and well-being. Take the time to research neighborhoods and homes you’d enjoy living in, and work with a good realtor to explore options. Show your husband and son what’s possible; they might just realize what they’ve been missing.
People often fear change, but sometimes change is exactly what we need. Your health is the priority — both mental and physical. As the saying goes, “health is wealth,” and if this house is harming your health, it’s time to move on.
If your husband and son still won’t listen to your concerns, it may be time to seek the guidance of a professional therapist.
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