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I’m the owner of a small hiking gear company that I founded five years ago when I was 33 years old. I’ve put my everything into it: long hours, 24/7 availability, and my own savings. Many longtime members of my team share my work philosophy. We love this brand and believe in its mission, so we’re willing to go the extra mile for it—even if that means taking on additional work or staying on the clock a little longer to finish up.
As my team has grown, we’ve started to hire a staff of young, fun, mostly Gen Zers, and I love the energy and creativity they bring to the table. But I’ve noticed their perspective on work differs from my more senior staffers’. They tend to sign off right at 5 P.M., even if it means running a little late on a deadline, and they rarely volunteer to take on any task that isn’t mapped out in their job descriptions.
On one hand, I really admire this clear boundary they’re setting between work and their personal lives. It’s the opposite approach of the “the harder you work, the more you get ahead” philosophy millennials like me came up under. But on the other hand, I spent years in the corporate world eating dinner at my desk, raising my hand for every extra opportunity, and taking zero vacation days to climb my way up the career ladder.
I believe my work ethic and rapid career growth led to my own company’s success, but I know burnout is a real issue, too. How can I respect my employees’ work boundaries without resenting them or, deep down, feeling like they’re disrespecting me?
We’ve all heard about love languages. But when I brought your question to two friends—one Gen Z, one boomer—it became clear that something parallel exists in the workplace, which is that different people, and different generations, have different languages of respect.
For older generations, respect often meant giving your all. “I remember being told, ‘Don’t call in sick, call in dead,’” my friend Laurie—a Gen X/Boomer cusper who works with an intergenerational team—told me. In exchange, employees expected that they were working toward retirement, a pension, and healthcare that would last them throughout their lives. Although that social contract doesn’t exist anymore, older generations may still see signs of a healthy work-life balance, like leaving work at five despite a looming deadline, as fundamental shows of disrespect. After all, how can young employees be truly committed to the team when they’re always the first to get up from their desks?
Laurie says that Gen X and boomers often value punctuality, professional dress, respect for authority, attention to detail, and “formal” professional communication: “We come down on the side of full sentences.” Even if Gen Z employees don’t agree with all of these values, they should understand that skipping them may create tension that they don’t intend to create—and that, while it’s important for older people to understand how young people show respect, it’s just as important to do the same in the other direction. It’s also strategic: the people in charge of promotions are generally millennials or older.
Gen Z, by contrast, tends to value humanity in the workplace. “The main difference I’ve seen between myself and my boss is that I have multiple identities outside of my work, and she ties much of her own identity to her work,” says my friend Maggie, a 22-year-old college senior who’s pursuing a career in education. But Gen Z employees don’t just value their own complex lives and layered identities; they extend that understanding to others, too. They may be unusually empathetic, flexible, and willing to take on extra work when they see that someone else is going through a hard time.
“I remember being told, ‘Don’t call in sick, call in dead,’” my friend Laurie—a Gen X/Boomer cusper who works with an intergenerational team—told me.
Maggie told me that she recently saw a video of a Gen Z woman resigning from her job, with her boss’s voice audible over zoom. “The boss was saying things like, ‘I’m so excited for you and this next opportunity. It’s totally OK to cry. It’s the end of an era for you! Don’t worry about me for a second,’” Maggie recalls. “That Gen Z employee learned that she’s allowed to look for big things, and she learned what it feels like to be seen as a human in the workplace. Isn’t that what we all are?” By engaging with her (former) Gen Z employee on a deeply human level, the boss was speaking her language of respect, which made her words and excitement all the more meaningful.
If one of your employees does something that feels disrespectful to you, remember that they may be prioritizing different languages of respect than the ones you anticipate. Someone who often shows up late—but with a bright smile and genuine warmth for their colleagues—is probably not trying to be dismissive or rude. Their lateness could still be an issue, of course, but it’s more likely to be a problem of time management than contempt. And because their intentions are good, it’s more likely to be a fixable problem, too.
In your letter, you mention that your Gen Z staff bring energy and creativity to the table. That is no small display of respect. It means they’re being fully present—and that they care. It’s also no coincidence that the generation that most prioritizes work-life balance balance is able to bring a unique level of energy to the team.
As for you, it’s time for some reflection. What are your languages of respect in the workplace? What were you taught by your bosses, mentors, and older colleagues? Do all of their teachings ring true? You’re in a position right now to shape the work culture that you believe in, and it sounds like you already have been doing that. Be intentional in your decisions. And know that even if times are changing, your hard work got you to where you are, with a company and vision that you’re passionate about. That’s something to be proud of—and I respect the heck out of all that you’ve done.
Blair Braverman writes our Tough Love column. Previously, she has given advice on working with friends.
