The decision was a difficult one to make for Allan De Camps Melendez. As an HR professional himself, he was well acquainted with his employer’s policies when it came to workplace romances. Those were a big no-no, to say the least. But love was stronger than company policy. And in the end, it prevailed.
“My wife and I met working at the same company, in the same department,” shared Mr. Melendez, who currently works as an HR consultant. “With time, we fell in love, but the company had very strict policies regarding in-office relationships, particularly for employees who worked together.”
Allan De Camps Melendez, HR consultant.
“It was a tough call, but we decided to quit,” he continued. “We wanted to respect company rules while putting our relationship first. We understood that, even though company policy was set in place to avoid conflicts of interest and to maintain a professional environment, such policies can be too stiff and don’t always reflect the realities of people working together.”
Mr. Melendez recognizes that his case is an outlier. Not many couples are willing to quit their job in order to save their relationship. Most “try to be discreet” about their romance, he explains, or seek ways to keep both their relationship and their job. Some even try to negotiate with HR officers and other members of company leadership. But that doesn’t always work out in the couple’s favor.
“The company I worked for then had very strict policies about in-office romances. That pushed us to quit in order to protect both our careers and our relationship,” Mr. Meléndez commented. “Every situation is unique, and it all depends on company culture; on established corporate policy, and the ways in which employees handle their personal relationships at work.”
While Mr. Melendez’s case is indeed rare, workplace romances are almost an expected outcome in any office. A recent survey by Forbes Advisory found that, out of 2,000 employees surveyed, 60% admitted to having had a romance in the office; half of respondents said they had flirted with co-workers and 43% reportedly married someone they met at work.
Romantic relationships are an inevitable reality of any workplace. Such has been the case since people have been working together. And, as it was put in an old article of the Wharton School, “romances shape office life, and human resource departments don’t have much to say about it.”
When love turns ‘problematic’
Though apparently innocuous, couples in the office can quickly turn into a headache for HR departments. According to Forbes Advisory’s survey, 57% reported impacts on job performance due to workplace relationships and only 35% said they reported their relationship to their employer.
“Workplace romances are a very common ‘problem’,” commented Luz Elena Verdín, a corporate psychologist and HR consultant. “I say it that way because it’s not always a problem, to be fair.”
When the “problem” arises, one of the go-to strategies by HR professionals is to keep the couple away from each other, at least within company grounds.
Luz Elena Verdín, business psychologist and HR consultant
“In every company I’ve worked for, when a workplace romance did happen, we usually moved one of the parties involved to another department, or even a different office. It’s also very common for one in the couple to quit,” Ms. Verdín said. “When these things are done, they should stick to protocol, always. And the company should never try anything that isn’t within the law or that infringes on workers’ rights.”
There’s also the possibility of manager-employee relationships, which opens another (bigger) can of worms in the office.
“In the case of romances between a boss and an employee working under him/her, there’s the risk of undeserved promotions, of allowing harmful or prohibited behavior to take place without consequence,” stated Fernanda Maldonado, HR legal counsel at digital and voice CX firm OutPLEX. “Those situations can damage the work environment. Other workers can feel that they are being treated in an unequal or unfair fashion.”
“I had this case at a company where a boss asked for an employees resignation, threatening to make her life real hard, just because they had ended their relationship and he wanted to retaliate,” Ms. Maldonado added.
All three HR professionals consulted for this article agreed that clear policy is necessary at any workplace in order to avoid a loving relationship to turn into a dose of poison. Company leadership has to be specific on what is and isn’t allowed in the workplace, and on how to proceed when policy is violated by the employees. Always sticking to the law, of course.
“The main thing to do is to have a policy that guides how HR teams should proceed when such a situation happens,” commented Ms. Verdín. “Mexico’s federal law, for example, makes no mention of workplace romances, but you can’t fire employees over a romantic relationship.”
“It is important for companies to have a manual, a ‘Code of ethics’, so to speak,” added Ms. Maldonado. “This manual should highlight rules designed to avoid conflicts of interest and provide guidelines on what to do when extreme situations arise, like sexual relationships in the workplace or love triangles that lead to fights.”
Cracking something beautiful
For company leadership, managing the troubles of a workplace relationship isn’t always a peaceful operation, or even an open one. It isn’t rare for HR officers to be instructed to (unofficially) pressure in-office couples into a breakup.
Fernanda Maldonado, HR Legal Counsel, OutPLEX
“It is common for company leadership to ask you [as an HR officer] to pressure the employees until their relationship reaches a breaking point,” Ms. Verdín admitted. “They ask you to do their dirty work. Though I’ve only seen that when a conflict of interest exists. Because you don’t always have the option of moving one of the employees to another office or department.”
“Companies, even when they have no policies on workplace romances, can pressure you until you [or your partner] break. They can foster an environment in which it is obvious that such relationships are unwelcome,” Mr. Melendez shared. “This can manifest itself through passive-aggressive comments, negative attitudes from leadership or maybe decisions being made specifically to make the situation as uncomfortable as can be.”
“I’ve been in such situations,” he added. “And I saw those strategies being applied by my superiors when some of my colleagues developed their own workplace relationships.”
As an HR professional with 10 years of experience, Mr. Melendez understands that not many couples will take a decision as dramatic as he and his wife did. He also gets that a delicate balance should be maintained between individual liberty and the health of the workplace.
“It is important for HR departments to find a balance between protecting the office environment and being comprehensive of employees’ personal situations,” he commented. “It’s not about prohibiting, but about handling each case with empathy and finding solutions that benefit all parties involved.”
