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There’s a time and place to talk with your spouse about money, and there’s also a way. The approach you take when talking about financial matters should be healthy, productive and respectful. Unclear communication can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts and resentment.
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So what kind of language should you avoid? Anything that promotes an air of inequality, diminishes a partner’s contributions or concerns or judges a partner’s spending habits without trying to understand them first.
Recently, “The Ramsey Show” looked at some of the worst ways you can talk to your spouse about money and identified 10 terrible approaches you should avoid when discussing your finances.
Controlling and Dismissive
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“OK, so here’s what we’re going to do.”
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“You just need to get on board with this plan.”
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“Hey, we need to get out of debt, so I sold your car.”
These are all examples of controlling or dismissive approaches. Dictating the terms without inviting collaboration dismisses your partner’s input and can make them feel sidelined, undervalued and possibly taken for granted.
These kinds of statements can create an imbalance of power and undermine the shared decision-making process that should be the hallmark of a healthy relationship.
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Judgmental and Disparaging
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“How much did that cost?”
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“Why do we spend so much money on groceries?”
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“Do you really need that haircut/skincare product/makeup?”
These are examples of disparaging comments. The judgmental undertone they share can often be indirect criticism or shaming.
These kinds of negative approaches indirectly undermine your partner’s spending choices, which can hurt their feelings and create a defensive atmosphere. Insinuating that your partner has poor judgment can lead to emotional distance and conflict. Nobody appreciates having their decisions or needs questioned.
Relying On External Authorities
This isn’t a good look for a respectful, open conversation. By relying on external validation, you could be undermining your spouse’s point of view. Instead of asking them to share their questions and concerns, belittling your partner’s viewpoint can lead to feelings of resentment and inadequacy.
Both partners’ outlook and insights should be respected. It’s fine to express your point of view based on what you might have learned from experts like Dave Ramsey, but you should always take an approach that invites your partner to share their feedback and voice their own concerns or questions.
Undermining Contributions
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“I’m the one working, so it’s my money.”
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“You don’t work, so you don’t get a vote.”
No one wants to spend their day taking care of children, cleaning and doing hundreds of other things around the house just to hear their partner invalidate their hard work. Devaluing your spouse’s contributions by making it all about monetary income dismisses the other contributions they might be making.
Not only can this make them feel unappreciated, but it can also lead to feelings of inadequacy, which can take a serious toll on your relationship.
Hiding Judgment Behind Financial Matters
Though every couple can likely find some items to cut out of a shared budget, comments like this are bad form and can lead to bad feelings. No. 10 on this list of bad approaches is an insensitive and disrespectful thing to say on a couple of levels: It not only questions the value of a personal choice but also reduces self-care and personal well-being to a financial transaction.
Trivializing personal care decisions and the importance of a balanced life can be particularly damaging. For many people, a gym membership is closely associated with their mental and physical health, and it’s usually much more than just another expense.
When financial discussions reduce personal needs to mere numbers, they can overlook the significant benefits that some expenditures often bring to both your partner and your overall relationship.
How To Talk to Your Spouse About Money
These less-than-productive statements share the common flaw of prioritizing decision-making authority or control over partnership, respect and empathy. Money can be a tricky thing to talk about. A healthy and caring conversation involves both partners equally, with a shared respect for each other’s opinions, contributions and personal values.
Only through open, honest and supportive dialogue can couples navigate money matters in a way that strengthens their relationship rather than causing conflict or resentment.
Instead of approaching money conversations with judgment or control, it’s better to make understanding and cooperation your primary goal. This can help you both make financial decisions together that reflect your shared goals and mutual respect.
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This article originally appeared on GOBankingRates.com: 10 Worst Ways To Talk to Your Spouse About Money, According to ‘The Ramsey Show’
