Published: Fri 13 Sep 2024, 7:00 AM
Statistically, one in four people worldwide suffer from loneliness. Loneliness or social isolation today is more widespread than smoking, diabetes or anxiety and turns out, poses severe risks to health and longevity. Says Tarek, a former chef in his sixties living in Dubai who finds himself at the south end of the happiness index since losing his wife four years ago. “It is impossible to explain the depth of loneliness unless you have felt it yourself. Sometimes, I offer to buy coffee for others just so I can stay longer and chat with them. It helps me stay connected. Sometimes, even that doesn’t help.”
Dr Daniel Knoepflmacher, host of the podcast ‘On The Mind’ at Weill Cornell Medicine, explains that loneliness is the distressing feeling we experience when we have fewer social connections than we want or need.
Even the UAE is seeing a rise in the number of lonely people.
A rising concern worldwide
Dr Thoraiyah Kanafani, Dubai-based clinical psychologist at the Human Relations Institute & Clinics (HRIC) elaborates on why people are getting lonelier. “There are many reasons,” she says, “namely, isolating from people, not having meaningful relationships, moving to a new location, experiencing the loss of a loved one or due to technology and overuse of social media.”
Loneliness is a definite cause of concern because it impacts health leading to increased levels of stress, she adds. “It can lead to higher rates of suicide, depression, addiction, and anxiety (as shown by the American Psychological Association) as well as a higher risk of blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, memory issues and shorter life span.”
Closer home, even the UAE is seeing a rise in the number of lonely people – especially among expats. “Since expats consider the UAE to be a transitory place, it is not always an easy place to develop meaningful and deep connections with others. Also, working from home contributes significantly to this difficulty. It is not gender specific and can happen with either gender. Nor is it industry specific.”
Dr Thoraiya suggests engaging less with the online world and more with the real world. “Joining groups, clubs, and classes in your area, acknowledging and honouring your feelings of loneliness, and learning to feel satisfied on your own can be very helpful,” she says. “More importantly, don’t be shy about talking to strangers and getting to know new people.”
The circle of life
For UAE resident, Sumi Augustine, loneliness crept in when she was on her way to becoming a single mother, having lost her job at the same time. “I had family members for support, but having so many negative things happening all at once plunged me into a state of loneliness-induced depression. The intricacies of navigating through the legal challenges of being a single mother was the worst. Also, being judged by others worsened the situation. After a point, however, I realised that wallowing in self-pity was not helping, and I decided to reach out to people. The result was positive. I found a job too. I believe that feeling of loneliness creeps in faster if you are sitting idle. It is best to keep busy and focus on your life ahead,” she advises. “When you are busy, your mind is engaged, and that helps you become the best version of yourself.”
Loneliness manifests in various aspects of life, affecting emotions, behaviours, and even physical well-being, according to Bushra Khan, a holistic psychotherapist at Wellth, Dubai. “Loneliness can be both transient and persistent. For some, it may be temporary and triggered by a specific event, while for others, it can be a longer-term experience that feels ingrained in their daily lives.”
Recognising loneliness in yourself often starts with tuning into how you’re feeling and behaving, says Khan. “Reflect on your emotions (Do you feel disconnected or like no one understands you? Or do you feel a persistent sense of sadness or emptiness?) or pay attention to your social patterns (Are you avoiding social situations or finding it hard to motivate yourself to connect with friends and family?) or check your physical and mental health (Changes in your energy levels, appetite, or sleep patterns? Do you feel more anxious?) Acknowledging these signs is crucial. Loneliness is a human experience, and it’s something that can be addressed with compassion and effort.”
Alone or lonely?
Clinical neuropsychologist, Medcare UAE, Dr Alexandre Machado, says it’s important to understand the difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
“The first is a choice and is positive, while the other is harmful and can lead to various clinical conditions, such as depression and anxiety. Therefore, the first step is to distinguish solitude from loneliness.”
The prevalence of superficial and virtual interactions on social media platforms can further replace deeper, face-to-face relationships, which can lead to feelings of isolation. People are becoming lonelier due to a lack of meaningful and genuine connections, says Dr Machado. “As the philosopher Martin Heidegger suggested, our technological society can often leave individuals feeling ‘thrown’ into a world where authentic existence is compromised, resulting in existential loneliness.”
This shift towards virtual communication can hinder the development of trust and intimacy, making it challenging for people to engage in meaningful conversations and connections, he adds. “As a result, even when surrounded by others online, individuals may still feel profoundly alone.”
A common way to combat loneliness is to seek emotional and social support by fostering meaningful connections with friends, family, and the community. Engaging in regular social activities and nurturing relationships can significantly alleviate feelings of isolation. “Additionally, taking care of mental health through practices such as self-compassion and gratitude can be helpful. As philosopher Alain de Botton posits, practicing gratitude can help individuals focus on the positive aspects of their relationships and foster a sense of belonging. Exploring new hobbies, volunteering, or participating in community events also provides opportunities to meet new people, further building supportive social networks that can combat loneliness effectively,” says Dr Machado.
Dr Pik Ki Ho, assistant professor of psychology at Heriot-Watt University Dubai, explains that 114 studies involving a total of 18,512 participants conducted worldwide over the last three decades have reported that loneliness has moderate to highly negative effects on various physical and mental health outcomes. “The social withdrawal as a result also contributes to many unhealthy choices and behaviours such as the lack of physical exercise, excessive consumption of alcohol, and smoking, which in turn leads to other more serious health problems.”
She says that loneliness is generally an emotionally unpleasant experience when there is a discrepancy (either quantitative, qualitative, or both) between the interpersonal relationships a person wishes to have and those they perceive they have. “It manifests in various ways. Lonely individuals tend to engage in a negative, self-focused thought pattern that involves ruminating on their feelings of isolation and disconnection. Emotionally, feelings of sadness, anxiety, worthlessness, hopelessness, and low self-esteem are common among those who experience loneliness.”
A recent study assessing loneliness among students and the wider community in the UAE found that female students tended to score higher than male students on the loneliness scale. “However, these gender differences were not observed in the wider population. Interestingly, unmarried older adults reported higher levels of loneliness compared to their married counterparts. Transitional life changes have also been linked to increased feelings of loneliness,” says Dr Ho.
“The UAE is a hub for many expatriates and foreign students who find themselves far from home and their families,” she notes. “While acquaintances form readily in such a vibrant urban lifestyle, these connections can often be transient and may not evolve into meaningful relationships,” says Dr Ho, adding that loneliness is a genuine concern that warrants greater awareness.
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