I’ve spent most of my life awkward, doubtful, and twitchy-nervous. Confidence was only felt in specific moments and environments, usually when alone with my cat. So I learned everything I could about being confident, and I’m far better today.
Here are 10 simple hacks that will instantly elevate your self-confidence:
1. Focus on three recent wins
Take a moment to reflect on the last few weeks. Pick out little successes — things that make you proud and make you realize how much of a powerhouse you are. Immerse yourself in the subtle and warming glow of these little accomplishments. This is training your mind to focus on what’s working, not on what’s ‘wrong’ in your world.
2. Practice nasal breathing for three minutes
Nasal breathing — particularly if you block off the right nostril — stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes calm. There are few ways that more directly calm you down than slow breaths like this. When we’re calm, our natural confidence will automatically appear.
3. Find something interesting about others
Those of us who rarely feel confident around others are often overly self-conscious. We want to ‘get it right’ and not make a mistake, so we focus on what we’re doing and end up twice as fidgety. To be confident, you need to take the attention off yourself. One way to do this is to look for things to like about others.
4. Speak a bit more slowly
You don’t need to come off like you just swallowed nine sleeping pills to benefit from this cheeky little skill. Most of us are in a hurry to get our words out. We’re overcompensating for our anxiety and making things even harder. Slow down. It makes it easier for you to think and for others to understand what you’re saying.
5. Let go of needing to know things
The greatest destroyer of in-the-moment joy is wishing you knew what was coming down the pipes. No one knows, so stop thinking you’re any different. Confidence arises without effort when you accept uncertainty. When you’re uptight about needing to know, the last thing you’ll be is confident.
6. Let go of performance
Trying to be a certain way is to perform. When we’re trying to do things, as Ray Bradbury once said, it’s self-conscious and lousy. The trick of real confidence is to let go of trying to perform and to find a way to enjoy what you’re doing. That’s how you enter a flow.
7. Speak more firmly
You’ll notice a common thread among people who lack self-confidence and tend to be disrespected or ignored. They have an indifferent speaking style. I don’t necessarily mean you bound around shouting in everyone’s faces. I just mean you round out your words, and you speak with a bit of ‘oomph.’ Talk like you mean what you say. Find your courageous self, and speak from there.
8. Drop your shoulders
People have been telling other uptight people to ‘just relax’ for millennia because it works. Letting go physically — while not peeing yourself — will calm you down. You don’t require everything in your environment to be ‘just right’ before you relax. You can choose to relax. When you do, your mind stills and your confidence rises.
9. Let your inner smile appear
Try this cool little exercise right now. Quickly turn a frown upside down by allowing an inner smile to emerge. This happens when we allow for it to happen. It’s that simple. There’s a curious energy attached that will light you up. This is the source of confidence you’ve been looking for.
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10. Transform into a leader
We all have a part of us that flourishes in a leadership position, no matter how ’shy’ we think we are. Confidence and a leadership mentality go hand in hand. You don’t need to wait for someone to come along and tell you: ‘You’re a leader!’ You choose to lead. And when you do, you might be surprised at how confident you feel.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.
