If sitcoms, movies, opinion pieces, and mainstream editorials were our only source of information, weâd have to conclude that marriage is a path to misery, the âold ball and chainâ that only ties us down, limits our freedom, and stifles our sexual fun. Many people think of marriage less as âsettling downâ and more as âsettling,â especially young people, who are told, âYouâve got plenty of time, live a little, firstâ (as if life ends after the wedding).â¯â¯Â
The truth, however, is that marriage is, statistically, the single best predictor of long-term happiness. Writing atâ¯UnHerd, sociologist Brad Wilcox and the Institute for Family Studiesâ David Bass pointed to new research from the University of Chicago that suggests that âAmericans who are married with children are now leading happier and more prosperous lives, on average, than men and women who are single and childless.â And, itâs not just a little bit happier. According toâ¯Wilcox and Bass, there is a âstartling 30-percentage-point happiness divide between married and unmarried Americans.ââ¯Â
In other words, in America, the happiness divide and the marriage divide are largely the same. Sam Peltzman, lead researcher behind the University of Chicago paper, isolated all other factors among thousands of respondents, including income, education, race, location, age, and gender. âThe most important differentiatorâ when it comes to who is happy and who is not, he concluded, is marriage. âLow happiness characterizes all types of non-married,â Peltzman writes, whether divorced, widowed, or never married. âNo subsequent population categorization will yield so large a difference in happiness across so many people.ââ¯Â
What makes this data even more important is that, for at least the last 20 years now, Americans have been steadily getting less happy. What this data suggests is that the decline of marriage over the last several decades is a cause of the decline in happiness. As Peltzman put it toâ¯The Atlantic, in statistical hyperbole, âThe only happy people for 50 years have been married people.ââ¯â¯Â
Of course, happiness isnât the only or even the best reason to get married. Many things in life carry deep meaning and significance but donât necessarily make us happy. A life lived only for happiness is a futile âchasing after the wind.â Enduring suffering, overcoming trials and tragedy, or sacrificing time, energy, or even our lives for others are all richly worthwhile pursuits that yield rewards in eternity. Certainly, loving someone and raising godly children is worth it, even if itâs not always fun. And, of course, the meaning of âhappinessâ is malleable. â¯Â
Still, these consistently stark results are unmistakable. At the very least, they should challenge the thinking universally preached in sitcoms, movies, and opinion pieces. Marriage is one of the chief sources of wellbeing and satisfaction in life. The fact that marriage rates have declined so dramatically over the last 50 years has had real, population-wide consequences.â¯Â
According to Wilcox and Bass, there are various reasons for the decline, but among the most telling is the decline of religious affiliation and commitment. Religious people tend to wed and stay married at a higher rate. So, our marriage problem is, at root, a worldview problem, fed not only by the misleading portrayals of entertainment and media, but also by the terrible experience the last few generations of young adults have had in their own upbringing. Marriage is part of Godâs plan for humanity and for His creation. No other human institution forges such lasting and consequential bonds, and no other human institution brings such personal and social damage when it fails. Â
If we are to fix marriage, we first need to know what is true. I know of no one doing a better job of telling the truth about marriage than Brad Wilcox, professor of sociology at the University of Virginia and director of the National Marriage Project. On Monday, April 15, at 7 p.m. MST, Dr. Wilcox will join me to discuss the truth about families, marriage, and specifically, the role of faith in preserving and growing families. Join us via livestream for this Lighthouse Voices event entitled, âHow Faith Matters for American Families.â Register at lighthousevoices.org.
This Breakpoint was co-authored by Shane Morris. For more resources to live like a Christian in this cultural moment, go to â¯breakpoint.org.â¯Â
This Breakpoint was revised from one released on 9.19.23.Â