What Washington Post columnist Steven Petrow taught us about money, joy, grief, and getting out of our own way.
We all have a list. Things we watched our parents do with their money, and otherwise as they got older and swore — swore — we would never do ourselves. We’d stay active. We’d embrace technology. We’d ask for help when we needed it. And then somewhere along the way, life happens, and we catch ourselves doing exactly what we promised we wouldn’t.
Washington Post columnist and author Steven Petrow has been thinking about this for nearly 20 years. He joined Jean Chatzky on the HerMoney podcast to talk about the aging and money mistakes we make despite our best intentions, and how to find joy even in the darkest chapters.
The Money Conversation We Keep Avoiding
Talking about money is hard at any age. But as we get older, the stakes get higher. Petrow shared how his father, a man who always kept tight control of the family finances, sent an email to his children with the subject line “Mayday” when he could no longer manage his finances online. It was a rare and vulnerable moment, and a turning point for their family.
“Getting on the same team is really important,” Petrow told Jean Chatzky. “Often it feels adversarial, even when the kids don’t mean it to be that way.”
The lesson? Don’t wait for a crisis to open the door to money conversations with the people you love. The sooner you start, the less scary it gets.
Why Spending Money on Others Brings More Joy
Here’s a money insight that might surprise you: research consistently shows that spending money on others brings us more joy than spending it on ourselves. Petrow tested this theory with his ex-husband’s nieces, giving them cash and asking them to spend part of it on each other. The results were illuminating and a little funny. One niece made fudge for her siblings, proudly noting it cost “almost nothing,” allowing her to keep most of the cash for herself.
But the lesson stuck. Both girls grew into generous, kind adults. And the science backs it up: even small acts of financial generosity — buying a friend coffee, donating to a cause you care about, picking up the tab — can meaningfully boost your own sense of joy.
How to Find Joy Even When Money (and Life) Gets Hard
After losing both parents, going through a divorce, and watching his beloved sister Julie battle Stage 4 ovarian cancer, all within the same year, Petrow had every reason to sink into himself. And for a while, he did. But he found his way back, and the road map he built became his newest book, The Joy You Make.
His biggest takeaway? Joy isn’t the fireworks. It’s not the big milestones or the New Year’s Eve celebrations. It’s in the small everyday things you’re grateful for. It’s the choice you make at every fork in the road.
“We come to these forks,” Petrow told Chatzky, “and we can go down the rabbit hole, or we can choose joy. We can walk towards whatever that light looks like today, and we will be a step closer.”
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And if you’re thinking about how to build income that lasts, check out Jean’s new book, The Forever Paycheck — your guide to creating a secure, steady income stream so you can actually enjoy the retirement you’ve worked so hard for.
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